Hello Friends!
I am starting this blog on the advice of a friend. I am a frequent FB user, and recently created a very long post. My girlfriend suggested blogging things like that, so that they are saved like a journal. So here goes my jump into the blogging world!
This first blog is kind of an essay I wrote a few years ago about The Fruits of the Spirit. Particularly about Patience.
"The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such there is no law." Galatians 5:20-24
The fruits of the spirits read like the poster, "All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." At first glance, it is quite easy sounding. Be kind. Be good. Love. Who wouldn't want to aspire to these things? Though we are forgiven our sins, we are clearly called to follow this verse and grow the spirit. But sometimes there are challenges. For instance, it is more difficult to be kind when you are in a hurry. You think, "Oh my neighbor could probably use something at the store, but if I stop and ask she will want to chat." So you don't stop. Or you think, I am in such a hurry that it's OK that I pretended I didn't see that tired looking Dad heading for this line." Life gets in the way, sometimes, of nurturing the fruits of the spirit.
I have vivid memories of being a child and saying, "Mom, mom, mom!" And my mom would say, "Michele, you only have to say it once! Patience is a virtue you know." I didn't even really know what a virtue was, I just knew I didn't have it. So I would try, but I grew up being told by everyone that I didn't have patience.
So when I headed into parenthood, it was with much trepidation. I knew I wasn't equipped. I had been in the freckle line when they were handing out patience. And indeed, Charlotte was just six days old the first time it was confirmed for me. It was one o'clock in the morning, and Charlotte had been crying for hours. Well, actually she would stop crying as long as I kept walking her about. But as soon as I stopped moving, she would cry again. Exhausted, I looked at that sweet little newborn baby, grit my teeth, and sputtered angrily, "Can't you please just go to sleep?!" Then of course I stared crying and apologizing. "Oh little Baby I am so sorry you were born to a mama with no patience! God, why did you let me have this baby?" I was filled with remorse and fear.
So then came all of the books: What to Expect the First Year, Raising the Spirited Child, Dare to Discipline ... I read them all. And all of them said the same thing. Be Patient.
Thanks!
Then, when Charlotte was six months old Road Church came into my life. I suddenly had lots of wonderful role models. They accepted me with all my faults, and Charlotte in all her stages of development and treated us with kindness. I began to understand this acceptance - even though I hadn't grown it in myself yet - so I felt comfortable having ... another child.
And then I found out I hadn't been in the freckle line when they gave out patience. I had been in the Voice-box Volume line. And so I began praying daily for patience. My Catholic friends said, "Don't pray for patience, God will give you tests!" And they were right. And I failed the tests. And I would look at other moms. They appeared so calm no matter what their kids were doing. Nothing seemed to get in the way of these moms enjoying their kids. And I couldn't stand it!
Finally I ended up with a book called, She's Gonna Blow. It was about ... anger management. I don't really remember much about the book, but I do remember the key phrase that planted the seed for this essay. It said, "God did not give you a broken child."
"God did not give you a broken child."
I thought the author had looked into my soul and seen the truth. That is how I was treating Charlotte. You see, she was too much like me. As soon as she would roll her eyes, my mom would say, "Oh I know where she got that!" If she argued and fussed my dad would say, "Pay back is a b*^<h!" She was a mini me ... and I didn't want that for her. So I was trying to fix her. Well, the book opened my eyes, so I went back to Raising the Spirited Child where I remembered there had been a list of positive ways to look at your children's traits. So if you have a child who is nosy, you think of them as curious. If you have a child who is a whiner, you think of them as persistent.
For a while I tried to adopt this attitude. If someone said, "wow, Nathan is kind of hyper!" I'd say, "don't you wish you had his energy?!" If someone said, "gee, Charlotte is argumentative," I'd say, "She's going to make a great lawyer someday!" And I really tried to look at things in this new way. Except, well, I still didn't have any patience so eventually when Charlotte was arguing I said right out loud, "She isn't going to make a great lawyer, she is just a brat!" Good old remorse right back on my door step. Me still wishing I had patience.
Fortunately at about that time I began doing Bible Study with some members of Road Church. One day we were studying Galations. So I sat down at home with my New King James Version on my couch at home. I looked at the Fruits of the Spirit, and I read, "The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." And I noticed the words Long Suffering, and I thought, that doesn't make much sense. Why would God require Long Suffering? What are you supposed to do, throw yourself under a bus so that you can grow this virtue? I was puzzled, as I had heard this verse many times but had never noticed Long Suffering. So I went to the plaque I had in my kitchen of the Fruits of the Spirit. It turns out my plaque was from a different version of the Bible. The list said, "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness, and self-control." Hmmm. Love, love, joy, joy, peace, peace, patience - long suffering. What? Patience-Long Suffering? So off to the dictionary I went. And imagine that. What is patience? The ability to suffer and annoyance without losing your temper.
That was an eye popping minute. For, up until that moment, I thought patience meant, Not Annoyed. I thought it meant just feeling calm. I thought all these other women were born with patience that made them think all was great all the time. I thought I was lacking. But as I read the definition, I realized that the only difference between me and them was that they got annoyed, and thought, "I Can. I Can stand this." Where I got annoyed, and thought, "I Can't." This was a faith enriching moment for me, for in realizing that I realized, I am equipped. I can do this. As I was realizing this, God put His hand on my shoulder and reminded me that I do have what I need. In Genesis we learn, "God looked at all he had made, and it was good." In Psalm 139 we learn "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." And that meant:
God did not give my mother a broken child either.
And not yours either.
Maybe you have some fruits of the spirit you struggle with. Maybe someone in your church, or your family, has an annoying trait and you think you just can't stand it. Try remembering that if you think that person is broken, you are telling God you think he did a slapshot job putting that person together. Instead, we are called to look at the gifts in one another. Remember, God made us all on purpose. He gave people their traits for a reason. Maybe the annoying trait you can't stand in someone is just how they get through the day. Maybe it helps them survive.
My annoying lack of self-control once saved me from great trauma. I was a camper at the YMCA camp of Maine when I was eleven years old. I was very close to a person named Richard Sparks, or Sparkie, who was the drama director. I was in every play, and used to go to Sparky for comfort when I was homesick. Then when I was sixteen, it came out in the newspaper that Richard Sparks had been convicted of over 1000 cases of Child Molestation. Why hadn't he abused me? I am confident that it is because he knew I wouldn't stand for it and moreover that I would shout it out to the world. My reputation for being a big mouth had indeed saved me from a traumatic experience.
Maybe the annoying quality you don't like in yourself or someone you know was given to you as a gift. And maybe you have fruits you haven't discovered. You need to find out why, and help them grow. Our job is to help each other, and train our children in the way they should go. We must nurture the fruits of the spirit, that certainly were planted. For all of us are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Dear God, thank you for making each of us fearfully and wonderfully. Thank you for knowing exactly how many hairs are on our heads, and for giving us exactly the temperaments you did. Help us to nurture the seeds you planted. Help us to grow the fruits of the spirit, that our lives will glorify You, and we will become all you mean for us to be.
A terrific Hymn to follow these thoughts is "Open My Eyes that I May See."
